Well, this week I saw my youngest child graduate from high school. She will begin her first year of college in a few short months and will be moving away from home. During the process of getting ready for this event I found myself very sad and on many ocassions crying. In an effort to find comfort and understanding of my many complex feelings I reached out to others who had gone through the process and I also talked to a few who were going through it as I was. One of my conversations was very enlightening. My friend told me that part of the reason I'm sad is because most of my life has been dedicated to caring for my children and I no longer have that. She was right. I have been defined by my gender role as wife and most especialy mother and that role is now being redefined. While I will never cease to be a mother or wife...I will not be the primary caregiver for my daughters. They have independent lives now that they must define.
In the mean time I have an opportunity to find a new role for myself; a new gender definition to create. But its interesting to note how strongly I've associated my existence to being a mother. I can't imagine doing anything else yet I know I have to find something new. If this were 100 years ago I'd be put out to pasture :0) Luckily we are in the 21st century and we have an opportunity to explore.
Funny how we have gender roles and find ourselves a bit lost when those roles are fulfilled. It will be interesting to see what happens from here.
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5 comments:
Zulma - Great post! It is interesting to read your comments about how you feel that your role will be redefined when your daughter graduates. I do not have children but I have heard this same story numerous times. I cannot imagine how it feels when you finally fulfill your role, the one that you set out to do when your daughter was born, only to feel still unfulfilled in another sense. You have completed your job and you raised your daughter and now she is independent. Go and enjoy your new found freedom by taking up a new hobby and have fun living your life the way you want to again! :)
Zulma,
I agree. My son is still young but he is growing up so quickly. I am always there for him but sometimes he has it in his head that he wants to do everything on his own with no help from mommy. Somtimes it upsets me because if he doesn't want my help now how will it be when he is older. I can only imagine how things will be when he is much older. It makes me a little nervous I enjoy knowing that he needs me. I wish it will continue forever.
vpkuywsaZulma,I know exactly how you are feeling about sending your child away to school,I had the same feelings when my two kids went to the college,I happen to be close by so I still felt better that I cooked for them over the week-ends.My role as a mother is still there because you worry for them, especially I was more worried about my daughter's safety at school as compared to my son.I still believe in that men are more stroger than women.
I can realate Zulma, yet from a daughter's perspective. As the youngest of my mother's only two daughters I can recall the day I left for college. There was a strange feeling from my mother as though she felt what else was there for her to do. She no longer had anyone to directly nurture to. I was nearly 100 miles away and my sister was already married building a family of her own. I can certainly say that my mom seemed to feel as though she had to redefine herself as a mother since her role was finally fulfilled.
I like to think that we are continually evolving...some of us start with our careers and then jump in family life...others, start with family and then career. The important thing is that you keep discovering yourself no matter how long it takes...(in my opinion).
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